It might sound strange, but fantasy can actually be a part of your daily routine.
In fact, it should be, and here’s why: The more you fantasize and think about sex, the easier it will be for you to switch into naughty mode with your partner. Practice makes perfect, and fantasy gives you an opportunity to try out new things both in and out of the bedroom, and yet be in complete control of your sexual circumstances. An active fantasy life helps you learn about what turns you on and helps you experience more satisfaction. This kind of sharing with your partner can inspire a much greater sexual connection and create intimate bonds when you are in the moment, experiencing it together.
Get over guilt. If you find yourself feeling guilty or even a bit embarrassed about your fantasies, just remind yourself: Fantasy isn’t reality. It is a creative use of your mind and may include some props, but it doesn’t hurt anyone, including your partner (who likely has a few zillion fantasies himself). Whether you are dreaming about a Hollywood celebrity, a real-life crush, or your partner, fantasy is a fun and safe way to explore your desires.
It isn’t cheating. Remember that just because you fantasize about hooking up with a sexy stranger, it doesn’t mean you actually want to cheat on your partner. Nor does fantasizing about taking part in a threesome or playing submission and domination games mean that you actually want to try those things in real life. Most fantasies are just that — fantasies. You don’t have to take them any further unless you choose to, so there is no need to feel burdened by shame or create limits on your mental playground.
You can get into the groove. If you are new to the world of fantasy, don’t worry. It is easy to become immersed in your own fantasyland, even if you haven’t done it before. To start, try drawing inspiration from movies, books, art, or even music — whatever is sensual to you. The world is a very erotic place — all you have to do is tap into that energy!
Assess what is most sexy. Spend some time by yourself thinking about different erotic scenarios. Give some thought to what about these particular situations is sexy. Is it that you are completely in control? Is it the way you are dressed or the people involved? Is it that you feel like your partner can’t wait to have you? Once you discover what really turns you on, playing out your fantasies in real life will become much easier.
Role-play your fantasy. If it turns you on to think about your partner as the aggressor, taking you in a passionate embrace and making love to you right there and then, let him know. Rather than turning shy or fearful, embrace the possibility of sharing a fantasy moment. Explore having sex somewhere a little bit dangerous, such as in the restroom at a party or in the backseat of your car. If you want to be in control, role-play someone who is very much in control, such as a police woman (and pull your partner over for a ticket!). Or be the sexy teacher with the innocent student. (Remember, it’s fantasy, so even if it is illegal and completely inappropriate in real life, in your imagination it’s all okay.) Other fantasies couples often enjoy are imagining they’re strangers meeting at a bar; but the sky is truly the limit!
Of course, you can’t bring fantasies into everyday life if you don’t know what they are, so be sure and initiate the conversation to get some ideas. Whether he wants you to wear a sexy maid outfit and sashay around the house, or dress up like a cheerleader on game day, stay open-minded and don’t be afraid to try something new and daring.
Fantasies are always fun — provided you set some boundaries and don’t cross a line that you aren’t comfortable with.