Erotic Novel Fifty Shades of Grey is a BDSM Fantasy

Author E.L. James has created quite a few waves in the literary world this year, but more importantly, she has created a few waves in women’s bedrooms as well. This is because the British writer has penned an erotic trilogy, Fifty Shades, that focuses on the relationship between quiet, unassuming student Anastasia Steele and troubled, rich bad-boy Christian Grey. But theirs is not a traditional love story. Nor is this a traditional romance novel.

Instead, these novels focus on the taboo, racy world of bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism, aka BDSM.

BDSM is the term used to describe the games people play in the bedroom (and outside the bedroom), and it raises the question of whether or not pain can ever be pleasurable. For millions of people, the answer to that question is yes, it can be quite pleasurable, indeed. Although BDSM is often considered a taboo topic and is rarely discussed in the mainstream media, the truth is that the human brain can actually associate pain with pleasure. This is because the areas of the brain that receive messages of pain and pleasure are quite close together. In fact, a recent study from the University of Michigan found that the brain’s dopamine system — which creates feelings of pleasure — is highly active when an individual experiences pain.

Dopamine gives you a good feeling that soothes and relaxes you whenever you do something you enjoy. Researchers aren’t sure why this part of the brain is triggered during painful situations, but it could be one of the brain’s ways of self-medicating or coping during stressful or hurtful events. And, it could be one of the reasons why so many people enjoy BDSM. Making sex (an already rewarding event) even more rewarding? Sounds like a win-win.

But is it? Or is BDSM a risky behavior that signals low self-worth or constitutes sexual violence? Some critics of BDSM behavior think so. After all, why would a woman (such as Anastasia in the Fifty Shades novels) allow a man to tie her up, spank her, pull her hair, etc.?

Some things to remember:

BDSM isn’t just about women being submissive to men. Many men love to be in the submissive role, particularly men who are very accomplished and authoritative in real life. It can be very freeing and erotic for an alpha male to give over control in the bedroom, and the same is true for an alpha female. The modern woman has so much on her plate, and it can often be difficult to turn off the to-do lists in her mind and simply enjoy sex in the moment. With BDSM, all the control is taken away from her, and all she has to do is lie back and relax. It’s also a boost to the ego — it gives a woman the thrill of feeling completely wanted and desired by her partner, and to know that he simply cannot control his primal feelings for her.

BDSM is just a fantasy. No woman ever wants to be raped or be the victim of violence in real life. BDSM is just adult role-play, and nothing more. And, just like fantasies about Brad Pitt or your cute neighbor, BDSM can be part of a safe, healthy fantasy life.

It is not always meant to be acted upon. Just as you should never actually act on your attraction for your neighbor if you are committed to someone else, you should also never take your BDSM fantasies to an unhealthy level. You don’t want to engage in behavior that could seriously harm you or that makes you uncomfortable or scared. The same is true for your partner — make sure that you check in with each other and that you both feel comfortable and okay with what you are doing. Have a safe word that you can use whenever something is going too far (a safe word is a word that will signal for the play to stop when you don’t want to continue).

It may not be something you actually want to try, anyway. And, lastly, remember that just because you like reading about BDSM or fantasizing about BDSM, it does not mean that you actually want to do it. Every woman that reads the Fifty Shades series isn’t going to get into BDSM, nor should they if they don’t want to. At the end of the day, erotic literature is just meant to give you an exciting release and to awaken your sexual side. You can channel that energy into your life and into your relationship any way you choose, whether it’s “vanilla” or “hard-core.”

The bottom line is that if you are having fun, enjoying your sexuality, and taking care of yourself, then your fantasy life should be as wild and erotic as you desire. And, personally, I think that any book that can reignite desire and recharge sexuality in women is a good thing!