Should You Have a Ménage à Trois?

Threesomes are a very common male fantasy. Men find the idea of a ménage à trois appealing because they are visual creatures, and their sexual response is triggered mainly by what they see. During sex, they usually have the view of just their partner’s assets — which, after a time, might seem too familiar and have them longing for novelty — but in a threesome they get to admire so much more. No wonder so many men are turned on by the thought of more than one woman in their bed.

The fact that men are programmed to spread their seed far and wide to ensure the survival of their genes might also explain why more than one sexual partner holds such appeal. Pornography also influences a man’s desire for another partner — threesomes are very common in erotica these days, and in most cases, girl-on-girl scenes are portrayed.

Erotic movies might also play a role in why so many women are now open to the idea of threesomes. Women enjoy erotica just as men do, and witnessing these sexy girl-on-girl scenes might be quite inspiring indeed. Not to mention, women have much more freedom when it comes to exploring this side of their sexuality. Women tend to be more sexually fluid and find it easier to embrace potential same-sex flirtation and dalliances, and popular songs such as “I Kissed a Girl” further highlight this exploration and normalize it.

Threesomes are also appealing simply based on the idea that they have the potential to offer double the excitement. An extra person in the bedroom means another mouth, set of hands, and hot spot to explore, which can double the pleasure for you and your partner. No wonder this is such a popular fantasy among men and women.

However, even though a ménage à trois sounds appealing, it can be quite dangerous to actually act out this fantasy. Unless you have heroic abilities to overcome jealousy, threesomes can do a number on your self-esteem and your sense of security within your relationship. Even though you may find it sexy to fantasize about your partner touching another person in front of you, when you actually see it happening it can be a very different story, especially if you have insecurities about your own body (and who doesn’t?).

Even if you both decide that you are 100 percent secure and on board with the idea, the addition of a third person has the potential to blow up in your face. The person you select might have issues of his or her own, such as being overly clingy, not playing by your set boundaries, or generally being wild and unpredictable. In this day and age of safer sex, adding another person can also be dangerous physically (even if you use condoms, STDs can still be spread during sex). Unless it is someone you know well, you can’t really know for sure what this person is about — and having someone you know come into your bedroom with you and your mate can open another area of concern that is riddled with potential dangers.

Along with these concerns, it might also be difficult to come to a fair conclusion when it comes to arranging the affair. For example, maybe your partner wants to bring in a woman, but you want to bring in a man, or vice versa. All couples argue, whether it comes to choosing a restaurant for dinner or picking where to spend the holidays; so it seems a given that threesomes raise the potential for disharmony. And unlike dinner debates, this is one topic that has the potential to deeply wound your heart and your relationship.

Besides, most people find that fantasies are almost always more fun and erotic than reality, so why not keep this fantasy just that…a fantasy, and nothing more.