A new study from Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health has found that the key to great sex is the ability to empathize with one’s partner in the bedroom. Empathy allows us to understand another person’s point of view and to thereby better understand that person’s experience and needs. Sounds like an important skill… but why the heck is it so sexy?
Empathy is the cornerstone of a healthy sex life because it creates a beneficial give-and-take in the bedroom, and it helps couples to understand their partner’s unique needs and desires. It allows you to appreciate your partner’s point of view and feelings in any situation, and also can make you a more compassionate and understanding person. No matter how long you have been with your partner, the fact is that sex can be incredibly intimidating at times. Many couples feel awkward or even frightened when it comes to declaring their needs, and anxiety such as this is what prevents so many people from having the sex life of their dreams.
Here is where empathy comes in. Empathy lays the foundation for positive communication of both the verbal and non-verbal variety. People who are empathetic are tuned into their partners’ little moans and coos, and they can read their lovers’ body language and realize when they are enjoying themselves and when they need to switch things up and take a different approach. People who are empathetic are also those lovers who are open to their partners’ feedback and desire giving them the most pleasure possible. They will also be more likely to share their own feedback and desires in return.
And, outside the bedroom, empathy makes for better communication, less volatile and/or useless arguments, and a closer connection in your larger relationship. Simply put, the closer you feel to your partner, the more you are going to want to have sex and the sex will be better too!
Along with empathy, the study also found that people who were autonomous and had healthy self-esteem were more likely to have great sex. When a person is autonomous, they trust their own instincts and are able to confidently choose their own course of action. This might be a positive skill in the bedroom because it allows for people to feel strong in their sexuality and confident in their own identity, while a healthy self-esteem paves the way for them to be uninhibited and in the moment. Confident people are more willing to be adventurous and spontaneous and less likely to worry about failing or making a fool of themselves… all of which add to up great sex! Not to mention, if you feel good about yourself, you will be more likely to see yourself as someone worthy of a loving relationship and an amazing sex life. You won’t disregard your sexual needs or sell yourself short.
So if you want to find an amazing lover, seek out empathy, autonomy, and self-esteem, and make sure to build those same skills and qualities in yourself as well.