For many women, orgasm is a whole-body experience. We're aroused in our lips, necks, breasts, thighs, and virtually anywhere in between. Sexual energy gradually spreads throughout our bodies in a lattice of sensation. It's one of the key sexual differences between men and women — instead of a concentrated burst, female orgasms are more often a full-body rush.
As a result, women want, need, and crave stimulation of all their body parts, while the genitals are center stage for men. Although that makes things easier for the guys, the bonus for us is that we tend to be more capable of achieving orgasm from the stimulation of so-called nonsexual parts.
The next time you're getting busy, ask your partner to show a little love and attention to some of these too-often neglected areas. Why not ask him to try some of the following tips?
- Rub your abdomen in rhythmic strokes, from breasts to vulva.
- Lightly graze your inner arm or neck with his lips or tongue.
- Put one or two of his fingers into your mouth, especially when you're really aroused and close to orgasm. (Your mouth is the second most sexual part of the body and is often alive with sensation at the same time your more southern parts are.)
- Put a finger inside your anus just before or during your orgasm. If you can let go of your inhibitions or reservations a tiny bit, you may find it takes your orgasm to new heights!
If you aren’t sure how to tell your partner how you want to be touched, just take it slow. One way to do this is to voice suggestions as positive affirmation, such as “It turns me on when you touch me there” or “I love it when you stroke me there a little harder.” You can also show your partner what you want by demonstrating through self-stimulation in front of him and even describing the sensation.
If these options seem too daunting, use nonverbal cues instead. Take his hand and put it where you want him to touch. Moan, stroke, or kiss him when he does something you like. A little verbal reinforcement can work, too, such as “oh yeah!” or “right there!” All these clues will help him understand what you like — and with a little practice, he will start to learn what pleases you and you won’t need to do as much directing. You can also simply show him what types of strokes you enjoy.
If the idea of masturbating in front of your partner is daunting, you are not alone. However, it can be a very erotic and pleasurable experience for both of you. Ask your partner if he has ever thought about you touching yourself, or if he has ever fantasized about doing so in front of you. Or, start off by touching yourself and your genitals during sexual play. Then, try doing this while you are kissing or pressed close to each other. Not only will your partner be incredibly turned on by this display, he will also get to see what types of strokes and touches you prefer, so he will be able to imitate this later when he is pleasuring you. Remember, great orgasms take two!