How to Talk Dirty and Why You Should

Let’s just say that a little verbal encouragement goes a very long way both inside and outside the bedroom to heat things up!

Learning to talk dirty sets your mind on fire and can be a most powerful aphrodisiac. Talking dirty is not about swearing like a sailor or shouting out like a porn star. Rather, it's about talking from the heart (and maybe a few other places). When it's authentic, sex talk will feel hot, not silly.

You can create desire by speaking sensually long before you enter the bedroom. In fact it’s not just what you say, but how you say it. Studies have shown that people instinctively lower their voices when speaking to someone they find attractive, which means that lowering and softening your tone can increase your partner’s arousal and subconsciously communicate your desire.

Be a little naughty. Whether on the phone or in person, the point of naughty conversation is to spur your partner’s imagination and build anticipation for what lies ahead. This might feel funny if you’ve never done it before, but it’s a risk worth taking: The sexual energy your words can generate is unbelievable. Let your partner know that you find him sexually desirable with compliments like, “I love it when you touch me” or “I can’t wait to be with you tonight.” By the time you get to the bedroom, you’ll both be craving each other’s touch.

Work your way up. You don’t have to jump right in like an old pro. Instead, work your way up to it. Try reading erotica out loud to get comfortable with certain phrases or vocabulary, or try just to give a running commentary as you pleasure him such as “I am going to [kiss, lick, etc.] you right here [physical anatomy].” Or, react as he pleasures you such as “Your mouth feels so good on my [physical anatomy].” Build your way up from moans and coos to commentary such as this, and soon you will be ready for the next phase: Asking for what you want directly in a sexy and uninhibited way.

Tell it like it is. Of course, you can take a less subtle route, by telling your partner exactly what you want! When he starts doing something that doesn't push your buttons, it's the perfect opportunity to speak up by saying what you do like instead: Say, "You know, I just love it when you do 'this' to me." It could be anything from the most sensual, loving act to a strong and aggressive sexual activity. The goal is to tell him what you really want him to do. Even if it’s something a little taboo or intimidating, your lover will want to hear what you desire. After all, your partner isn’t a mind reader and even the most connected lovers need direction and guidance.

Take it to the next level. Talking about what you're doing to each other takes sex to a different level. Part of it is verbalizing something that's not often put in to words. This creativity only increases your connection. Another piece is heightening your arousal by getting what you want and really focusing on what you are doing together.

Not only are you heightening your intimacy in the moment by vocalizing what you want and what you like, but you are also strengthening your relationship. The more ways you and your partner can meet each other’s needs, the deeper your bond will become.