Q&A: Creating More Sexual Excitement

Everyone wants to have a fantastic sex life, but actually achieving it takes some planning. For many couples in a long-term relationship, it’s especially hard to keep the spark alive. Here are some of the most common questions asked by couples hoping to create more excitement in the bedroom, and some tried-and-true answers to keep boredom at bay:

Q: I want to use a sex toy with my partner, but I don’t want him to think that he is inadequate. What can I do to reassure him?

It’s understandable for a man to feel a little intimidated by the appearance of a sex toy such as a vibrator. After all, a vibrator is built to touch a woman in all the right places — not to mention, it never gets tired (and if it does, you can just replace the batteries). All of that can be a little intimidating to your partner, but it’s important to understand that a vibrator can never replace the human experience of lovemaking.

A vibrator can give a woman pleasure, but it can’t give you intimacy, sensuality, excitement, or passion. However, it can help decrease the pleasure gap between men and women and increase your sexual response so that your arousal is on par with that of your partner’s. In other words, a sex toy can help you to become orgasmic, which means that lovemaking will be more mutually satisfying, and it will shorten the time of foreplay. Of course, sexual toys don’t have to be used to “speed up” sexual activity. They also can be used to simply increase sexual pleasure and add novelty and excitement in the boudoir.

Q: I want to check out erotica, but it seems like all the DVDs are geared toward men. Any ideas?

This has been a common problem for women in the past, but thankfully, the market is no longer targeted to men alone. There are many production companies that now gear their movies toward women or even toward couples. Candida Royalle has directed and produced a number of movies that fall under the umbrella of what is known as “female-friendly erotica” and “erotica for couples.” In other words, these are movies that women can actually enjoy watching as well. They still include plenty of sex, but they keep the female viewer in mind, offering more of a storyline that women can relate to. Many include women with more realistic-looking bodies (it’s not all extra-large fake breasts), and they also include more varied sex acts (as opposed to just men receiving oral pleasure or threesomes). In fact, Ms. Royalle tries to use actual couples whenever possible in her films because she feels the sex is more real.

Q: I love to cook for my partner. Any ideas for aphrodisiacs I can prepare for a sexy date night at home?

There’s not much scientific evidence available on the aphrodisiac qualities of food, but that doesn’t mean food can’t play an important role in seduction. When it comes to selecting sensual foods to enjoy, there are plenty to choose from: Chocolate is not only delicious, it’s the only food that’s been shown to have some sex-enhancing benefits. A small Italian study found that women who consumed chocolate on a regular basis enjoyed a better sex life than women who did not, including increased levels of desire, arousal, and satisfaction. Additionally, any foods that are spicy and get your heart rate going are a good choice, so grab some peppers as well. Bon appétit!