Strap-Ons: Are They For You?

Many people are open to the idea of a well-formed sex toy or vibrator. But strap-ons? That can be a little intimidating. For those of you who aren't sure, a strap-on is a dildo that's designed to be worn in a harness for hands-free stimulation. Its use is not just limited to vaginal intercourse — strap-ons can be used for anal play too.

The "harness" you wear to keep a dildo in place is like underwear, coming in a range of styles, colors, and themes. The dildo itself is just like a vibrator and can, in fact, vibrate. They come in all shapes and sizes, literally — there are big ones, small ones, realistic-looking ones, and completely surreal ones. They even come in neon colors, and some are created to represent certain ethnicities. Bottom line is that a variety of new sizes and sensations are possible.

While strap-ons are quite popular among gay men and lesbians, many heterosexual couples can enjoy using these toys as well. And, though this might surprise you, there are some heterosexual men who enjoy being on the receiving end of strap-ons. The slang word for this is “pegging,” and it is when a woman stimulates her partner’s anus with the use of a strap-on dildo. Although it might sound shocking to some, the truth is that anal penetration can be very orgasmic for some men, especially since the prostate gland located in their anus is highly sensitive (which is why it is known as the “male G-spot” but just remember to use plenty of lubrication!)

However, it’s more than just the actual physical stimulation that is exciting. Many couples get turned on by the idea of performing such a bold and different act. It turns the entire sexual experience on its head by placing the woman in control of the sexual force and making the man the receiver. Many couples find this quite erotic, especially when you add in the fact that it requires a great deal of trust and intimacy: He is putting his faith in her ability to be gentle and take things slow, and she is taking the plunge by trying something completely new and taking on an unfamiliar role.

In many ways, they are also trusting that the other person will be nonjudgmental and open-minded when it comes to exploring sexual play with strap-ons. Although it can be a fun and healthy way to explore your sexual desires, it is typically not on the top of the list for discussion among couples. Men may feel shy about asking for it, and woman may feel shy about being so bold and dominant. But if you are really drawn to this idea, you’ll need to create a safe space in which you can both safely express your ideas about sex play. You may not want to take up the topic in casual conversations with friends, but you will want to discuss it openly and frankly with your beloved.

For many couples, “pegging” is a novel and erotic act that can reignite their sexual desire and take their sexual lives to a new and different level. It’s not for everyone or every couple. But if trust is there and it’s something you want to explore, don’t be scared!