Ask Dr. Berman: Can a Vibrator Numb My Clitoris?

Q: I’m 22, and I recently started using a vibrator. It was a gag gift from my friends but I ended up loving it, and I use it a few times a week. However, I also started dating a new guy. He is very sexually open, but when he saw my vibrator, he froze up. He said that I shouldn’t use it because it will make me unable to reach orgasm with him. And one of my friends said she knew someone who lost all sensation in her clitoris from using a vibrator! I hope they aren’t right…do I have to give up my little friend?

A: Many women share this fear when it comes to vibrators, largely because of urban legends that say vibrators can lessen or even ruin a woman’s sexual pleasure. However, vibrators can actually be used to enhance your sexual enjoyment.

In fact, many women find that vibrators can help them reach new levels of sexual delight as well as help them become less inhibited and more present in the bedroom. That being said, continued vibrator use for a prolonged period could dull or desensitize your clitoris for a temporary period, but the sensation will return! No studies have found any link between vibrator use and lack of sexual sensation.

In other words, you don’t have to give up your little friend. However, there are some things to consider when it comes to using a sex toy, such as:

Don’t let a vibrator take over the bedroom. People often fear that vibrators can detract from their existing sex life and relationship, yet the truth is that a sex toy could never replace the intimacy that two people share in the bedroom. A vibrator cannot kiss, cuddle, or whisper sweet nothings in your ear, and it cannot create sparks and fireworks in your bedroom the way that lovers can.

As such, it’s important not to let your vibrator take over the bedroom. Use it alone to get in touch with your sexual side and explore sexual fantasies during self-stimulation, or use it during foreplay to help increase your sexual pleasure and spice things up with your partner. Yet make sure not to make it the star of the show, and don’t reach for it automatically when your partner begins stimulating you. Enjoy the touch of skin and the feel of his body, and let a vibrator be a complement to that, rather than the sole focus of your sexual pleasure.

Broach the topic carefully. You mention that your partner wasn’t crazy about your vibrator, and this is no wonder because he was probably a little hesitant and maybe even intimidated. It’s a common reaction, mainly because men are afraid of being replaced by a battery-operated toy that can keep going…and going…and going. They fear that they won’t be able to compete or that you will secretly be comparing their performance with that of the vibrator.

Address these fears by being up front about why you want to use a vibrator and how it has nothing to do with his performance. Say something like, “You know, sometimes it takes women a little longer to get aroused in the bedroom than it takes men. A vibrator helps to keep me on par with you so we can reach orgasm together,” or “I want to keep our sex life erotic and interesting so you never get bored. Here’s a fun idea.” And, remember, be open to his feedback and sexual fantasies as well. You never know, he might have some tricks of his own!