Gathering Your Strength and Wits to Deal With Divorce

Ending a marriage is not easy.

Divorce may have pulled you far from your center, leaving you feeling rudderless in a sea of overwhelming emotions. During this stormy time, joy, peace, and fulfillment may seem forever unattainable. You might be overwhelmed with worry about the inevitable changes that comes with divorce. Some days you may find it impossible to escape the vicious cycle of indignation and lamenting about past injustices. When you are in the thick of it, it may seem too hard to fathom that deep within you there is a reserve of strength and spirit to help you weather this tumultuous time.

Here is what you need to know most: All of us have the power to return to solid ground.

You can put yourself in a place of joyfulness. One way to do this is to practice staying in the moment, or “living in the now,” as some call it. The concept of living in the now is quite simple but also quite revolutionary. When you live in the now, you make a conscious choice to concern yourself only with the present. This means there is no obsessing about how your divorce lawyer billed you for extra hours or how humiliated you would be if your ex winds up marrying the younger woman you found out he is dating.

Regret comes from trying to change past events, and anxiety is often the manifestation of a perceived future that is worse than your present situation. Neither of these emotions ever yields positive results. The good news is that living in the present is not as hard as it sounds. The power is within you, and ultimately you can change your thought process to break free from constant remorse and worry.

You can stay in the present by simply bringing awareness and consciousness to your being every time you realize that you aren’t living in the now. When you start to worry about whether or not you will have your kids with you next Christmas vacation, acknowledge that you have drifted from the present moment, and shift back to your present situation. The same goes for when you find yourself stuck in a pattern of rehashing old fights or what went wrong in your marriage. You can’t deny the past, but you can’t change it either.

Take a breath in and out. Focus on the simple details of the moment you’re in, whether it’s your feet on the cool tile, or how warm and sweet your coffee tastes, or the inspiring message of a pop song on the radio. Look around: What do you see, hear, feel, taste, smell?

No, your life plans didn’t include a divorce, but divorce may be the impetus you needed to choose to live in the now. Instead of wondering how you ended up at this point, try to remember that the only time promised to you is the present. And you learn to seize the present moment you will find yourself feeling stronger, and more alive. Ultimately, the power is within you.