Amid the daily grind of life, it's easy to forget to tell your partner how you feel about him. Expressing your love and appreciation, however, is crucial for your relationship. Your partner will cherish your recognition, and your intimacy will benefit when you notice the small things.
Complete some version of the following sentence as many times as you can: "I feel loved and cared for when you ___." You can even do this with a paper and pen when you have some alone time. Then expand it: Think about the different parts of your life together — your home, family, work, and friends. What about your life with your partner makes you feel happy?
Share this list with him and then ask him to do the same. Challenge yourselves to think of as many positive things as possible. The list will fortify the bond between you and sustain your relationship through tough times.
Although it sounds counterintuitive, it’s also important to share negative thoughts as well. In many relationships, there is an ever-growing pile of resentments and”withholds.” Withholds are those hidden emotions and thoughts that we keep from our partners, and they have the power to divide and disconnect us from our loved ones. Sometimes we keep these withholds because we think it is the kind thing to do, however, even little white lies have the power to destroy your trust and bond.
For example, you might be withholding the fact that you can’t stand his new haircut, or maybe you hate a certain technique he uses in the bedroom. Keeping these secrets might seem thoughtful, but it can impact your sexual desire for him, which in turn can harm your sex life together. Hence, it is crucial to clear the air and dump your withholds on a regular basis.
You can do so in a kind, non-accusatory way. For example, instead of saying, “I hate your new haircut,” you can say, “I think you look just like Don Draper when your hair is long in front.” Or, if you don’t like a certain position in the bedroom, take charge and show him what you are looking for. Sometimes actions speak louder than words!
You should address any date-night boredom that has been piling up. It’s easy to get stuck in a rut with your partner, especially if you have been together for many years. Luckily, it is also easy to breathe new life into your relationship and let the sunlight back in. The best way to do this is to re-invent your date nights. Date nights can often become ho-hum and predictable (i.e., dinner and a movie), and this causes your conversation and relationship to become ho-hum and predictable as well. Instead, come up with new and creative ways to enjoy your time together on a night out.
For example, you might visit an amusement park and go on the scariest roller coaster you can find. The excitement you feel as you go down that huge drop will mimic the butterflies you felt when you first began dating your partner; so as you clutch onto his arm and scream, you will reconnect on a primal and exciting level. If thrills aren’t your thing, consider taking a sexy burlesque class and surprising him with an erotic striptease. Whatever you do, just make sure to keep your date nights exciting and spontaneous…. and your sex life will respond in turn!