When you're falling in love, it's hard not to look at the world (and your partner) through rose-colored glasses. Early infatuation is a powerful combination of lust and idealization. A cocktail of hormones and neurotransmitters has you seeing only the best in your new partner. But those chemicals calm down eventually, and sometimes a person may feel bored or like he or she was duped by the other, perhaps believing the partner sold himself or herself as a different person at the beginning of a relationship. A man might miss the sex kitten she used to be, while a woman may reminisce about his gestures of seduction and kindness that have all but disappeared.
In reality, it's the nature of long-term love. The problem is not that one of you deceived the other, but rather that love cannot stay ideal forever — at some point you must come down from the clouds to the real world, with all its complications and blemishes. Some say the true test of love is whether it lasts after the initial thrill. Your relationship really begins after you stop wanting to tear each other's clothes off every second!
Rather than thinking about how things used to be, embrace the here and now. The person you fell in love with is still there! The beginning of your relationship is a precious memory you'll share forever. Now it's time to enjoy where you are, and get excited about what's to come.
Consider the following ways to safeguard your bond:
- Make time for your old interests. When we get caught in a new love, we tend to neglect our friends and other interests. Yet these interests are what make you a full, interesting person. Reconnect with your old friends and spend some time apart. Spending every moment together can be a recipe for disaster, not to mention, you will get on each other’s nerves and run out of things to talk about.
- Keep love alive. Once established in a relationship, it’s easy to lose track of that sexual desire and excitement. Keep the sparks alive by maintaining your usual grooming routine and avoid the dreaded sweatpants slump. Break out your sexy lingerie on an ordinary Tuesday night and invest in foreplay and date nights.
- Update your routine. If you usually get stuck in a dinner-and-movie rut on date night, switch things up by trying something completely new. Experiment with a new cuisine (such as Ethiopian or Indian), or try a fun activity like bungee jumping, ice skating, or inline skating. Remember, if you keep things fresh on the date, your connection after the date is over will be just as spicy!
Remember, it is still possible to have exciting sex and plenty of passion, no matter how long you have been together!