Sex in Exchange for Housework: A Troubling Trend

However, bartering for sex can be a risky endeavor. On the one hand, trading sex for housework can reinforce out-of-date stereotypes. Not only does it imply that housework is a woman’s job (and that her husband must be persuaded to pitch in), but it also implies that sex isn’t high on a woman’s list of priorities. Instead, it is something she submits to begrudgingly and without much enjoyment. Stereotypes such as these can be dangerous because they are pervasive and often fictional. The fact is that many women have high libidos, just as many men have low libidos. Bartering for sex in this manner seems to imply otherwise, and it can serve to complicate communication in the bedroom. For example, it is normal for men to experience dips in libido (such as a result of stress or fatigue), but if a woman thinks that men are always supposed to be in the mood, she will become hurt and confused if her partner isn’t amorous. Similarly, if she has a high libido, she might feel embarrassed or ashamed of her sexual desires, and hence she might not want to communicate these needs to her partner.

Stereotypes aside, bartering for sex can also be problematic because it can cause resentment to grow in the bedroom. From the woman’s perspective, she might grow to be embittered toward her partner, especially if she is continually submitting to sexual acts or positions that she truly does not have interest in. And, from the man’s perspective, he might begin to feel resentful as he wonders if his partner has any sexual interest in him or if she just wants the garage cleaned!

As you can see, bartering for sex can get out of hand fast. Worst of all, it seems to assume that sexual pleasure isn’t something that a couple can mutually enjoy throughout their relationship. Fortunately, this simply isn’t the case. There are many ways to bring more excitement and novelty to the bedroom, and they don’t have to include household chores! Sharing fantasies and communicating your sexual needs is a good place to start.

It’s also important that each of you put time and effort into being more spontaneous and romantic. Couples often say they want more romance and excitement, but what they really mean is that they want their partner to romance the — not the other way around! However, romance is a two-way street, and if you want your sex life to be more exciting and fulfilling, then you need to take the steps to make that happen. Chances are, your partner will be inspired to do the same, and a new positive chapter can begin in your relationship… one that doesn’t involve bartering or games, but one that involves mutual respect, desire, intimacy, and even a little bit of fun!