Threesomes Can Cause Problems in Committed Relationships

Fantasy is an important part of your sexuality. The erotic images and ideas that you dream up are what fuel your sexuality and keep you in touch with your desires. The more you can connect with an internal sexual fantasy life, the more your inner vixen thrives, and the better your sex life will be.

Fantasy life is varied and unique, yet many people share a common image — that is, a ménage à trois. Yes, threesomes are a common fantasy for men and women alike. Many women toy with the idea but keep it safely tucked away in the realm of fantasy. Men, on the other hand, are more apt to actively pursue a threesome or encourage a partner to consider the idea.

For many men, the girl-on-girl fantasy is incredibly erotic, and this is for many reasons: And, yes, two sets of breasts is definitely one of them! Plus, threesomes speak to the days of our early ancestors, in which spreading one’s seed was the very purpose of life and of extreme importance for the survival of the human race. Thousands and thousands of years later, it makes sense that men still crave multiple partners. Not only does it feel good physically, it satisfies that animalistic urge of extending their bloodline. Men are also socialized to crave a threesome fantasy, as it’s a highly popular storyline in pornography and erotica — one that they learn early on to associate with sexual pleasure.

As sexy as threesomes might look in the movies, it’s important to make sure that you actually feel comfortable engaging in this activity. Think it through carefully and consider the impact it might have on your future relationship (with both people), and spend plenty of time talking about it beforehand. Make sure it’s not fueled by insecurity or alcohol. It's never something you should be halfhearted about or pressured into. The benefits are obvious: more hands, lips, and bodies to work with, plus plenty of new possibilities — from creative positions to outright voyeurism. The cons are another story. Having to share your partner can be harder than anticipated for one or both of you and may lead to feelings of jealousy. It may also be difficult to go back to a pre-threesome relationship once you've indulged in the fantasy.

If your partner is the one who is pushing a threesome, you should be upfront with how that makes you feel. For example, you can simply say, “I can’t do that, but there are plenty of other fun and spontaneous things we can do that we’ve never tried before. So, let’s try something we’ll both enjoy.”

When it comes to threesomes, I never think they’re a good idea unless you have an open or polyamorous relationship, superhuman levels of emotional maturity, and not a jealous bone in your body.

Like any sexual inclination, the choice is yours — just make sure everyone in the bed is fully on board.