Couples in Crisis: Carlos and Angela

Brief Synopsis: Carlos and Angela have been together for years, yet the passion has slowly died out and the arguments have escalated. There have even been days where they don’t speak to each other. To make matters worse, Carlos has been frequently unfaithful, and he admits he has been with other women...more than he can count.

Couple: Carlos and Angela

Challenge: Carlos has been an unfaithful partner, but as the conversation continues, Dr. Berman learns that Angela has also dabbled in ‘revenge’ cheating. The lies and affairs have built up on both sides, and they have both closed off to one another emotionally and physically.

How they cope: Infidelity can be a relationship deal-breaker, and in the case of Carlos and Angela, it is easy to see that Angela has separated herself from Carlos. She doesn’t feel satisfied by him in the bedroom and believes their relationship lacks the touch and intimacy it once had. For his part, Carlos doesn’t believe that she puts enough energy into making their sex life work.

Where they’re stuck: While Angela desires a committed relationship, Carlos admits that he is not sure a monogamous relationship is in the cards for him. He wants to express himself sexually and doesn’t feel he can do so in the confines of his relationship, especially since Angela has shut down sexually over the years.

Dr. Berman’s homework:

Be honest: Infidelity can wreak havoc on the trust in your relationship. In order to gain it back, you and your partner both should make to a commitment to keeping your word and being available to one another. In other words, no disappearing acts or missed phone calls. Being late or going missing (even if it’s just for a few hours) can lead to doubt, which can in turn lead to arguments.

Get back the touch: Women often need more time to ‘warm up’ to sex than men do, which is why it is important not to skimp on foreplay or neglect your partner’s needs. Sex is about more than just rushing through to orgasm, it’s about enjoying the sensual pleasures and the intimacy of being close with your partner.

Talk to your partner about their sexual needs: Infidelity sometimes happens because people don’t know how to ask their partners for what they need or want in the bedroom. Rather than looking outside your relationship to fulfill your needs, talk to your partner about your sexual fantasies and work on improving your sex life from the inside out.