Couples in Crisis: Thomas and Michelle

Brief Synopsis: A busy couple can’t find time for sex.

Couple: Thomas and Michelle

Challenge: Thomas and Michelle are happily married with four children. However, there is just one problem: They never have time for sex!

How they cope: When the couple does find a free five minutes to enjoy sex, Thomas is ready to go, but Michelle needs more time than that to get in the mood. She feels disconnected from him and can’t switch from Mommy mode to vixen mode in two seconds flat.

Where they’re stuck: As their sex life decreases, their emotional life only decreases even more. He wants sex, but she wants romance first—can they get on the same page?

Dr. Berman’s homework:

Realize that men and women are built differently. He can go from 0-60 in a minute, but women often need more time to build up their arousal and get in the mood. Keep each other aroused and engaged all day by swapping sexy texts and kissing and cuddling whenever you get the chance. It’s easy to get her in the mood at night if she already feels connected and sexually engaged throughout the day.

Carve out an hour each week for intimacy…without sex. Devote an hour each week to connecting to one another in an intimate way, with just one rule: No sex allowed! Ironically, by taking sex off the table, you can actually increase your desire and arousal. Spend time kissing, cuddling, talking and connecting with one another like you used to back when you were first dating. When you do have sex later, you will find that your connection and desire is stronger than before.