Couples in Crisis: Troy and Samantha

Brief Synopsis: A couple deals with crippling jealousy and insecurity.

Couple: Troy and Samantha

Challenge: Troy and Samantha are a young couple who are happily dating and deeply in love. However, there is one fly in the ointment: Samantha’s jealousy. She says she doesn’t believe that Troy would ever cheat on her, but on the same hand, she says “I know what a player looks like.” Can this relationship be saved?

How they cope: Samantha claims she trusts Troy but not the people around him. She doesn’t like him having a social networking site and she doesn’t want him to stay out late without her, even if he is working and with clients. He tries to oblige her, but it is starting to affect his happiness in the relationship.

Where they’re stuck: Growing up, Samantha’s dad was a ladies man, and he told her “Everyone cheats.” Hence, she grew up with the idea that fidelity and commitment were impossible and she would never be wholly and completely deserving of one man.

Dr. Berman’s homework:

Confront what’s happening. Many times people are afraid to confront their jealousy head-on. They try to call it different names (such as “worry”) or say things like “I just don’t trust the people around you.” However, what it comes down to is purely your trust in your own partner. By naming the issue and tackling it head-on, you can increase your chance of successfully dealing with it.

Look for where the jealousy comes from. Is your partner good to you? Has he been faithful and loving? If so, ask yourself why your trust still isn’t there. Was it a past bad relationship or early messages regarding love and fidelity? Find out where your insecurity stems from and you will be better able to understand and resolve those concerns.