Couples in Crisis: Nicki and Michael

Brief Synopsis: A woman struggles to forgive her fiancé’s family.

Couple: Nicki and Michael

Challenge: Nicki and Michael are happily planning their wedding, but there is just one problem: Nicki can’t stand Michael’s family and refuses to bury the hatchet.

How they cope: When Nicki first started dating Michael, his family wasn’t very welcoming to due their age difference (she is five years older) and the fact that she was a single mom. Heated arguments ensued and battle lines were drawn, with Michael stuck firmly in the middle.

Where they’re stuck: Michael’s family wants to move on and bury the hatchet, but Nicki doesn’t see room for resolution. She doesn’t want to forgive them and she definitely doesn’t want them at her wedding. Is forgiveness ever going to be possible?

Dr. Berman’s homework:

Resentment changes who you are as a person. Some people hold grudges out of a desire to hurt the person they are angry with, but the irony is they often end up only hurting themselves. Carrying around resentment is draining, painful, and exhausting, and it can decrease your joy every single day.

Stay in the present. If you keep looking back and reliving old hurts, it will be very hard for you to be happy and focused in the present. There is nothing anyone can do to resolve the pain of the past or to erase the hurt that was caused, but you can make the choice to leave those painful memories where they belong: in the past.

Consider therapy. If you are stuck in a place of anger and resentment, therapy can be invaluable in helping you work through that pain and get to a happier, more positive place.