Is Long-Term Commitment to One Person Outdated?

Did you know there are hundreds upon hundreds of kinds of breakfast cereal available now? Or that you can choose from hundreds of slightly different shades of red lipstick? Have you ever found yourself overwhelmed when facing seemingly infinite flavors of ice cream in the supermarket? Well, you can multiply that feeling by 1,000 when it comes to the choices you'll face when dating.

Men and women today have an unparalleled array of options when it comes to nearly everything. And the paralyzing confusion that mounts when we're faced with whether to buy Grape-Nuts or Grape-Nuts Flakes is spilling over into our personal lives. Whom to love is probably the most important choice that any of us will ever make — and a choice that's rife with gnawing uncertainties ("Am I settling?" and "What else is out there?").

This mind-set can get in the way of making a real commitment to someone you may really like, even love. Choosing one person means giving up the possibility of having countless others. Today we feel that we are masters of our own destiny — unlike many generations before us — so our decisions seem to carry more weight. But it's important to realize that dedicating yourself to someone is far more rewarding than endlessly sampling the goods. When it feels right, it probably is — and if you're happy, it's all right to stop searching for the next new or better thing.

Of course, that doesn’t mean that there is anything wrong with looking (hey, you are still human!), but it’s important to realize that looks don’t make the man (or woman). While it’s possible to walk into a room and feel sparks and chemistry with someone right away, that is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to love. Unless there is something strong and sturdy holding that iceberg in place, then it doesn’t stand a chance when real life sets in and brings with it kids, careers, family stress, aging, illness, and all of the other facts of life. You can’t possibly create that deep, abiding love with someone in an instant.

That’s what makes real love so precious and worthwhile. It doesn’t just strike you out of nowhere or hit you like a ton of bricks. Instead, it changes you and causes you to grow into the best possible version of yourself, teaching you lessons of patience, fidelity, and communication. It might take only a moment for you to know whether you have chemistry with someone, but it takes much longer than that for you to develop real, lasting, life-changing love.

If you believe in monogamy and make positive steps to be in a committed, loving relationship, then you are very likely to find the happily ever after you seek. It’s called the law of attraction, and it can have a very powerful impact on the outcome of your life.

And, if you decide that monogamy isn’t for you, that’s fine too — it’s still possible to live a fulfilling and amazing life without someone by your side. Just keep your mind open and know someday you might want to give monogamy a try. When you do, you just might find that having that someone can color your life and bring magic to your every day.