Can You Date Without the Romantic Spark?

New love is exciting and passionate, and there is no beating the butterflies you get when you first begin to date someone new. However, not all new romances come with sparks. Does this mean that your connection is doomed?

I think it all depends. Physical attraction is a crucial part of any relationship; however, love comes in all different shapes and sizes. Maybe your relationship grew out of a close friendship, or perhaps feelings bloomed in the workplace only after many years of working together.

In situations like these, in which fireworks didn’t happen right away, the attraction is often based on long-term friendship instead, and there is familiarity and comfort — instead of a “wow!” moment. That certainly doesn’t mean the relationship is doomed to fail. Indeed, a strong background of friendship and mutual respect can be a wonderful framework for a romantic relationship down the road.

That’s not to say that the shared history of friendship can also be problematic at times. After years of considering each other platonic friends, you may know each other so well that you have to work at finding new facets to uncover. In addition, it can be tough to switch your relationship into a romantic mode. For instance, when you go out on dates, it might not be clear who is supposed to pay or if he should open the door. Those courtship rituals that many women hold dear might seem awkward or forced as you and your new partner have already established a bond outside of the dating world.

Romantically speaking, it is typically a sexual spark that often helps turn a friendship into a love relationship, but it can be complicated. Even if the sparks start flying, it can still be hard to transition into sexual activity. The natural connection that other lovers seem to have might not be there right away because you are still in friend mode. You will likely experience some awkwardness and discomfort as you move into that next stage of your relationship. However, as long as you both bring humor to the table along with a readiness to communicate and work through those first few experiences, you can establish a sexual chemistry that will last throughout the years.

Of course, sometimes sparks simply don’t fly between two people.

If your friend is amorous and you simply aren’t feeling it, it’s important to be up front and honest right away. This is especially true if he is feeling sparks that are nonexistent for you. Although it’s hard to let someone down, it’s kinder in the long run to let him know that the chemistry just isn’t there.

It’s important to remember that attraction isn’t one size fits all. We all have different tastes and different qualities that we are attracted to, whether that is a tall build or broad shoulders or a great smile. Sometimes it’s difficult to even put your finger on exactly why you are so attracted to a man in the first place; however, don’t feel like you most go for the most objectively good-looking partner just to impress those around you.

Everyone’s tastes are varied and unique. It could be that you’re used to the guy who’s the life of the party and this man is just very low-key and genuine. As with anything worthwhile, some relationships need time to grow — and little sparks and sweet experiences need to develop into bigger fireworks!