Are You in an Abusive Relationship?

Without physical violence, some women find it difficult to even consider, or admit that they are in an abusive union. If a partner is providing for the family and seems otherwise “reasonably” normal, a woman many incorrectly assume: “He may have a temper, but he hasn’t hit me, or harmed me, so this must not be abuse.”

It is so important to recognize that abuse comes in many forms and doesn’t always include physical harm. Financial, emotional, or sexual control also plays a big part in abusive relationships. The first signs of these often come in the form of manipulative behaviors, sometimes so passive-aggressive that you cannot tell for sure what is going on. It is not unusual to feel confused and question yourself. An abuser always makes you feel small, insignificant, and stupid if you question his behavior, so it is typical to become fearful of speaking up and questioning.

You should also be aware that most abusive relationships don’t start with physical violence. Instead, verbal or emotional abuse is generally the first step to violence. Often, in an abusive relationship, the victim is showered with insults one minute and then showered with gifts and apologies the next. Such behaviors are not characteristics of a healthy relationship. If you feel at all uncomfortable or demeaned, you’ll want to take an honest look at your relationship. Read through these characteristics of abuse.

Signs of Emotional Abuse
Ask yourself whether your partner does any of the following:

• Calls you names, insults you, or continually criticizes you
• Does not trust you and acts jealous or possessive
• Tries to isolate you even so far as to drive a wedge between you and your job
• Monitors you excessively
• Controls you with money
• Punishes you by withholding affection
• Expects you to ask permission
• Threatens to hurt you, the children, your family, your pets, or themselves
• Humiliates you in any way

Signs of Physical Abuse
Ask yourself whether your partner does any of the following:

• Damaged property when angry
• Pushed, slapped, bitten, kicked, or choked you
• Abandoned you in a dangerous or unfamiliar place
• Scared you by driving recklessly
• Used a weapon to threaten or hurt you
• Forced you to leave your home
• Trapped you in your home or kept you from leaving
• Prevented you from calling police or seeking medical attention
• Hurt your children
• Used physical force in sexual situations against your will

Signs of Sexual Abuse
Ask yourself whether your partner does any of the following:

• Views women as objects and believes in rigid gender roles
• Accuses you of cheating or is often jealous of your outside relationships
• Wants you to dress in a sexual way
• Insults you in sexual ways or calls you demeaning sexual names
• Has ever forced or manipulated you into having sex or performing sexual acts
• Held you down against your will during sex
• Demanded sex when you were sick, tired, or after beating you
• Hurt you with weapons or objects during sex
• Involved other people in sexual activities with you against your will
• Ignored your feelings regarding sex

If you are in an abusive relationship, it is so important to find counseling help. Call
National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1-800-799-SAFE, http://www.thehotline.org/.

For more information on abuse and how to find help, visit our abuse resources page.