Date Rape is a Sexual Assault

Although many people tend to imagine rape as something that happens to a defenseless young woman being forcibly dragged into a shadowy place by an unknown assailant, statistics show that rapists are often familiar to their victims. The startling reality of this terrible crime is that a woman is four times more likely to be raped by someone she knows than by a stranger, according to the Illinois Coalition Against Sexual Assault.

Definition of Terms
From the legal perspective, the term "date rape" refers to a sexual assault by an individual with whom the victim has a "dating" relationship. In these situations, sexual assault generally occurs within the context of this relationship. The broader term, “acquaintance rape,” is defined as a sexual assault by an individual known to the victim.

Use of the term “date rape” may change based on the circumstances of the assault. For example, when a victim has been drugged by the attacker with “date rape” drugs, experts use the term "drug-facilitated sexual assault" whether this crime is perpetrated by an acquaintance or a stranger.

Date Rape Is Still Rape
Knowing the person doesn’t change the fact that it’s a brutal crime — nor does it lessen the impact. In many cases the psychological and emotional effects of date rape can be even more traumatic. Not only have victims of date rape been physically assaulted, but they’ve had their trust and judgment completely violated.

Rape can occur within an intimate relationship, even in a marriage. Any time one partner forces the other into a sexual act against his or her will, it is rape.

Victims of acquaintance and date rape come from every socioeconomic, cultural, and religious background. And the setting varies: It could be at a college party, in your office, at home, or anywhere. While girls and women represent the overwhelming majority of date-rape victims, men can be raped too.

It is important to recognize that saying yes to a date does not mean you have even remotely said yes to any unwanted physical or sexual contact.

Even if two people know each other well, and even if they were intimate or had sex before, no one has the right to force a sexual act on another person against his or her will. The same is true even if you have been kissing, touching, etc. If you aren’t comfortable with things going further, you should speak up and put on the brakes. It doesn’t matter if you have been flirting or drinking or ‘fooling around’ — no means no whenever you say it.

A Far-Too-Common Thread: Alcohol and Date-Rape Drugs
Date rape and acquaintance rape have evolved into a common form of sexual assault; as a result, we find there are many scenarios and circumstances associated with rape. Common threads include:

• Miscommunication: She said "no," but he heard "maybe."
• Men who do not respect women: They carry a stereotype of women as being weak or incapable of speaking for themselves and of having no right to a say in things. Often these kinds of men will not respect women's wishes with regard to sex, as well as other issues.
• Drugs and alcohol: The influence of chemical substances alone can create havoc. When added to the two scenarios above, the potential for date rape soars.

Though never an excuse or cause for rape, alcohol and drugs are involved in date rape because they can inhibit resistance, increase aggression, and impair decision-making skills. One study found that 70 percent of female victims and 80 percent of male perpetrators had been drinking when a sexual assault occurred. Being intoxicated or drugged never ever provides an excuse for raping someone, period. But it’s important to remember that the use of alcohol and drugs exaggerates problems regarding misinterpretation of sexual intent. Studies show that many college men believe that alcohol increases arousal and legitimates nonconsensual aggression. Research also shows that college men believe that women who have had two or more drinks are more interested in a sexual connection than other women.

The Scary Truth About Date-Rape Drugs
The awful truth is that an assailant who utilizes a date-rape drug has a powerful weapon, and the victim who is slipped one of these drugs has little chance to flee or defend herself. These narcotics can be easily used without the victim’s knowledge because they often have no color, smell, or taste. They can secretly — and slyly — be added to drinks.

The three most common date-rape drugs are Rohypnol (“roofies”), gamma-hydroxybutyrate (GHB), and ketamine. They all take effect very quickly without the victim’s knowledge and can create distorted perceptions of sight and sound, impaired motor function, and the feeling of being out of control. These drugs are so potent that often the victim will wake up not knowing what happened or even that she was raped.

What to Do If You Are a Victim of Date Rape
There is no “right way” for a rape victim to react to a date rape. Sexual-assault victims can be calm, hysterical, withdrawn, angry, in denial, or in shock. You may have bruises, cuts, and soreness in your genital area or any part of your body that was touched, penetrated, or assaulted. You may feel nauseated and numb. You may have no physical injuries as far as you can tell — yet feel an overwhelming sense of violation. Some victims do not react immediately. It is important to realize that even if there is no physical injury, you may have been exposed to sexually transmitted diseases.

If you have been raped, follow these steps:

• Don't wash or douche. You do not want to wash away any evidence that could be used against your attacker in court.
• Call the police and tell them what happened. If you are afraid to call the police, call your local rape-crisis center.
• If you can, call a supportive friend or family member to be with you.
• Go to an emergency room. While there, you will be examined. A doctor will make a record of your injuries and treat you. Samples of any fluid left in the vagina or anus (especially semen) will be gathered. Hair, pieces of clothing, or other objects left by the attacker may also be taken. These samples may be used to help identify and convict your attacker.

Fewer than 5 percent of all date rapes get reported to the police. Also, far too often women don’t seek adequate treatment because they believe they were somehow complicit in the attack, especially if they were drinking. Remember, rape is always the perpetrator’s fault. You are a victim and deserve to be treated with care, respect, and compassion.

Find additional rape support resources here