Ask Dr. Berman: Anxiety Medicine is Stealing His Sex Drive

Q: My husband is taking medication for anxiety and says his desire for sex no longer exists. He is content with this, but I am not willing to give up. I want a sex life with my husband — what can I do to show him that physical intimacy is important to our relationship?

A: If your husband's libido has gone, there are physical and psychological interventions that can help. Physically speaking, encourage your husband to explore other anti-anxiety medications with his physician. There are many options, each of which has different side effects, which can also vary depending on the person. Many drugs prescribed for anxiety and depression can reduce testosterone, which fuels libido. Your husband should get his testosterone levels checked to determine if that's part of the problem. Testosterone replacement may be an option if his levels are low and he wants to stay on his current medication. The most important thing for him to do is talk to his doctor, who will likely be well-versed in all the medication options open to your husband. Many patients wrongly think that sexual side effects aren’t important enough to bring up to their doctors; however, it is a quality-of-life issue and something any good doctor should work to reverse.

However, the emotional is as important as the physical, especially where you're concerned. You say that your husband is "content" with his low libido. His indifference could be another side effect of his medication, but it could also be a symptom of his anxiety itself. Perhaps his anxiety extends to the bedroom also, or perhaps he is too depressed or numb to consider sexual activity. Whatever the case, this lack of desire is taking its toll on your relationship, which in turn will only augment his anxiety and unhappiness. At the very least, your needs are not being met. Why is your husband so willing to give up on physical intimacy? How does his behavior now compare with his behavior prior to taking medication? Is he acknowledging the effect his lack of libido is having on you? Does he make up for it sexually in other ways?

 — Dr. Laura Berman