Dr. Laura Berman

Guide to Sexual Health

Vacations Can Get the Libido Going

Ahhhh, paradise. The white sandy beach and tranquil blue water stretches before your eyes. No obligations beckon you or your partner, just a week of some much-needed rest and relaxation. And a week of the great sex that happens when you’re in paradise.

Or…If you’re single, the fantasy you’re indulging in is just slightly different. Instead of gazing at your partner, you bask in the sunny, festive atmosphere, and try to catch the eye of a guy you saw checking-in earlier. You’re filled with a magical, sensual confidence that makes you want to relocate to the tropics permanently.

There is a theory that a person’s true personality comes out when traveling or on vacation. For our sex lives at least, I like the theory, because it suggests that there is a vixen inside all of us, sometimes obscured by the stresses or limitations of daily life.

On vacation, love — or at least lust — is in the air.

It’s almost as if a vacation takes us back in time. We feel young again, with exotic possibility and suspended responsibility. Everything has the sheen of newness on it &mdashl; the landscape, the people around us and the experiences that come along with them.

I think that vacation sex can provide some real inspiration and even wisdom for our sex lives back at home. There are lessons, even after your most imminent worry is not how to keep your pina colada from melting while you get the good sun!

A week in paradise teaches us that rest and exercise are the keys to better sex. They also happen to be two activities that most of us don’t get enough of in day-to-day life. There is not much that compares to the relaxation of a vacation — long walks on the beach, leisurely conversations and just lots of unstructured time in general are as good as it gets. However, there are some mementos that can come home with you. Taking time for yourself is a big one. If you enjoyed reading on the beach or eating when the mood struck, instead of according to any schedule, take it as a message that you need more free time for yourself. It’s not an oxymoron to schedule unscheduled time into your day. Even if it’s 30 minutes, every woman needs a part of the day that is for her only, and I’m not talking about sleeping!

Of course, lazy naps on the beach and awakening naturally instead of to a blaring alarm, makes its own contributions to feeling relaxed. If you think sleep is what gets your engine going on vacation, make it more of a priority at home. Take 15 minutes to meditate and recharge when more sleep is not an option. You can use your vacation (real or imagined) as fuel for a calm, relaxed mindset.

The other ingredient of vacation sex is staying active. Snorkeling, swimming and seeing the sights put the body to good use, and stimulate the mind at the same time. We open ourselves up to new experiences, maybe even to risk-taking that we would not normally. The adrenaline rush alone is worth it, not to mention the novelty of doing something unfamiliar. New activities can invigorate life at home, too. Go sky-diving if you’ve always wanted to, or maybe even to push yourself to do it. Also, keep yourself connected to your body like when you are on vacation. Get to the gym or go on a walk on most days of the week. A little pampering and skimpier, sexier clothing is another piece of paradise to incorporate into your routine at home.

We can’t spend our lives watching the sunset and sipping pina coladas. We can make the decision to bring a little of the tropics back to our bedrooms. So instead of waiting for a vacation, take a break and have some sex!

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